Times change. Specifically though, home decor changes. Even more specifically, window decorations change.
Windows first became popular sometime in the middle ages, when the only people able to afford such luxuries were royalty (e.g. palaces, castles) and the church (e.g. churches). The window style of these two institutions differed drastically; castles had those slits for shooting arrows, while churches had stained glass pictures of righteous d00ds. Since then, many different styles of window attire have evolved from these primitive examples. Curtains (first appeared in the late 18th century) were, and still are, a very popular window accessory. The Venetians are famous for their annoying and noisy blinds. But the most recent development in the way of window obscurement technology are Bamboo Blinds.
Bamboo Blinds (BamBlinds) began appearing in trendy homes some time in the late 80's and their popularity rose exponentially year to year, falling off somewhere around 2004. Several reasons for this strange surge have come to light to window researchers. Our best scientists have proposed that their cheap price and ease-of-installation played a very large part. Since their extreme popularity, many people have realized that they look like tacky shit.
Much to my horror and dismay, my mother "donated" about 8-9 fixtures of BamBlinds on her last visit. She must have noticed the unardorned windows in my living room and kitchen for some reason the last time she was here. Since they were free and extremely easy to install, I put them up (nail+hammer+BamBlind=all done+'good job' beer) . As soon as I got like 3 of them up, I sat down and admired my handiwork (I didn't have any beer so I chugged some errant jim beam leftover from the night before). I looked at them long. I looked at the hard. I pondered and contemplated them. At some point, I passed out, and at another point I woke up. Then I had a stream of BamBlind related thoughts:
Why the fuck do people buy these things? For one thing, they're a total pain in the ass to get up/down evenly. Did I mention they look like shit? I don't really know why exactly my mother bought these in the first place, but she clearly realized she made a terrible mistake and bought something way better. They look brand spanking new. My hypothesis: mom saw a nice display in a store, bought em, made dad install them all over the house, went back to the store, saw a nicer display of something else, repeat. This must be how I came to have them. It has to be. Maybe I should have called home less. Maybe then they'd be in my brother's apartment right now, instead. Maybe.
As I stared at my collection of BamBlinds, I thought about how bad I'm going to be making fun of these ridiculous things 20 years in the future while I raise and lower whatever futuristic window shade apparatus is popular. The future-blinds will no doubt be mentally-commanded, with the ability to change images so you can look out over whatever landscape you choose; rolling plains, snow-capped mountains, sunsets, I-93 at rush hour, under-the-sea adventure, porn, random youtube videos, etc. I have to imagine another built in feature of these blinds will be to project an image to the outside audience as well. You can make your home look like you live in a palace, a cave, a glass house, an aquariun, a porno, etc.
My God, the wonders of tomorrow.
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