Being a very lazy vegetarian, I eat a lot
of french fries. They probably account for 30% of my diet and 100% of
the reason my triglycerides are twice the normal level of people my age.
Occasionally I have the luxury of waiting 15 minutes for the fries to cook in the oven
or the 20 minutes it takes for delivery. However, most of the time I
come home ravishingly hungry, palms sweating, fiending for some oily
starch. I don't want them, I NEED THEM. That's where Easy Fries come in.
They cook in 4 minutes, which is about the time it takes for me to
power on my Xbox and start a team
deathmatch game. I called Ore Ida and confirmed that this is not a
coincidence. They were indeed designed to be nuked in parallel with
starting a Call Of Duty sesh.
Due to advanced tin foil technology, these
aren't soft like re-microwaved takeout fries. They come out crispy as
fuck and are just waiting to burn the shit out of your mouth.
Even though they contain over 700mg
of sodium, you'll want to be sure to add at least 6 of the salt packets
you took from McDonalds the other day. For the more advanced bros, try
dousing your fries in your favorite hot sauce. For a refreshing
beverage, I recommend pairing Easy Fries with a 22oz Diet Dr. Pepper-- it
has great legs and its subtle hints of vanilla and caramel play nicely
on the palate with the saltiness of the fries. The beverage's natural
acidity also helps to cut through the heaviness of starch.
So there you go, we can finally break free
from the oppressive shackles of our ovens. No longer must we blankly
stare at the word preheat for what seems like an eternity. Stuff your face with some goddamn easy fries and frag some newbs.
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